Too Many Goodbyes

Hello, all!

I'm done with high school. I've taken all my exams and finished my classes. I've started cleaning out boxes of stuff. I've been signing yearbooks, writing letters, reading notes written to me, uploading pictures to facebook. Everything is frantic, a last-ditch effort to claim ownership of a vaguely-familiar life. It's all leading to goodbye.

I hate goodbyes, I really do. And these goodbyes... well, I don't want to make most of them. I refuse to accept that this is the end, because endings can be sad more often than not.

I refuse to say goodbye to the movie nights that have characterized a seven-year-long-friendship.

I refuse to say goodbye to the stories I created when I was just beginning to write.

I won't say goodbye to the teachers that have made my high school experience wonderful, and I especially will not say goodbye to the ones that have made this year memorable and amazing.

I won't say goodbye to my unexpected friends, or the unexpected moments of beauty experienced with them.

I refuse to say goodbye to the friends with whom I found a home. Or the stories we wrote in our lives or in our minds, the ones that we never finished and the ones that we did because living is much easier than imagining, at least for now.

I won't say goodbye to these half-created plans, these fractions of thoughts and ideas that seem never to happen. I won't give up hope that they can happen, that these crazy dreams and plans and schemes are even possible-- because I want to believe that they will.

I won't say goodbye to the list of things I meant to do this year but didn't. Goals can change and shift and not accomplishing them is no reason for me to give up trying to make them happen in some form.

But mostly, I absolutely refuse to say goodbye to my life as it is now--- the people or this place or these dreams or these words, even. It is not yet gone and I am still here. And I refuse to say goodbye because I know I will return to HERE in my mind and in my future, to every aspect of this hectic existence.

Thanks for listening, as always-- sorry I've been absent, but as mentioned... frantic, crazy life. Sometimes I just need a break from my own mind, but sometimes I need to speak.

-Aly

Six Months is Too Far Away

Hello!

I wasn't planning on starting this blog for awhile... meaning, not until I left for France. But I figured it couldn't hurt. I might as well write about how I'm preparing for my trip to France and where things currently stand as far as plans go.

I'm going to copy and paste the post from "MAlly Chat" that I wrote a couple weekends ago when I spoke to Angela (Angie), the girl I've been in contact with in France.

* Saturday, May 23, 2009

Hihi!

Yesterday was awesome and I would write about it but I am BURSTING WITH JOY so I really can't focus on yesterday at the moment.

I AM TALKING TO ANGIE ON FIM (facebook instant messaging). RIGHT NOW. AS IN SHE IS IN FRANCE AND I AM IN MY HOUSE AND WE ARE SPEAKING OVER THE INTERNET.
AND IT IS AWESOME.
AND I AM JOYFUL.

But I seem to be unable to "penser en Franais" as Madame would like... ahhh! I AM TOO EXCITED!

Holy shigoodness, this has made my day like x 59,999 better.

*JOY!*

For Clarification:

I am massively in love with France. The culture, the language, the country. I've wanted to go to France since I can remember and THIS YEAR, I may have the chance to. You see, my dad is good friends with Pierre, who is French-Lebanese and has family in France. He knows of my desire to go to France as an exchange student, and is helping my dad and I plan my trip to France and live with Pierre's sister.

This would mean that I could go to France without the restrictions of going through an exchange program, which would be cheaper and safer. We would know the family (sorta) and it would just generally be so much more awesome. Regretfully, Angie (Pierre's niece) and I are TERRIBLE at emailing each other, which is why the FIM conversation makes me so happy. Even though I'm not speaking in French.
-Aly *

That explained some of it, at least enough for whoever is reading this to understand what my goal is.

I'll try to explain more in-depth at a later date.
:)

-Aly