Hello, all!
I'm done with high school. I've taken all my exams and finished my classes. I've started cleaning out boxes of stuff. I've been signing yearbooks, writing letters, reading notes written to me, uploading pictures to facebook. Everything is frantic, a last-ditch effort to claim ownership of a vaguely-familiar life. It's all leading to goodbye.
I hate goodbyes, I really do. And these goodbyes... well, I don't want to make most of them. I refuse to accept that this is the end, because endings can be sad more often than not.
I refuse to say goodbye to the movie nights that have characterized a seven-year-long-friendship.
I refuse to say goodbye to the stories I created when I was just beginning to write.
I won't say goodbye to the teachers that have made my high school experience wonderful, and I especially will not say goodbye to the ones that have made this year memorable and amazing.
I won't say goodbye to my unexpected friends, or the unexpected moments of beauty experienced with them.
I refuse to say goodbye to the friends with whom I found a home. Or the stories we wrote in our lives or in our minds, the ones that we never finished and the ones that we did because living is much easier than imagining, at least for now.
I won't say goodbye to these half-created plans, these fractions of thoughts and ideas that seem never to happen. I won't give up hope that they can happen, that these crazy dreams and plans and schemes are even possible-- because I want to believe that they will.
I won't say goodbye to the list of things I meant to do this year but didn't. Goals can change and shift and not accomplishing them is no reason for me to give up trying to make them happen in some form.
But mostly, I absolutely refuse to say goodbye to my life as it is now--- the people or this place or these dreams or these words, even. It is not yet gone and I am still here. And I refuse to say goodbye because I know I will return to HERE in my mind and in my future, to every aspect of this hectic existence.
Thanks for listening, as always-- sorry I've been absent, but as mentioned... frantic, crazy life. Sometimes I just need a break from my own mind, but sometimes I need to speak.
-Aly
Showing posts with label goodbye. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goodbye. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
February Round-up!
Hello, all!
I just blogged every day for the month of February. If you missed one of the posts, here's the list here!
Feb. 1st: Return to Middle School-- musings about who I am now versus who I was in middle school & the passage of time.
Feb. 2nd: Forgotten Posts-- a list of things I had written about in the past that I had forgotten to publish.
Feb. 3rd: Guest Post: Claire on Music -- Claire talks about music and learning to play instruments.
Feb. 4th: The Seven Stages of Procrastination -- a short list about how I go about procrastination.
Feb. 5th: A Barely-Golden Sky -- a short narrative inspired by a picture.
Feb. 6th: Super Bowl Sunday -- where I reveal how I spent my day. (This one is really insignificant.)
Feb. 7th: That Kind of Day -- a day when everything felt odd and I once again retreated to the library.
Feb. 8th: Warning: (Religion) Rant Ahead -- exactly what it sounds like.
Feb. 9th: The Math Class Narrative -- where I share a narrative I wrote about my math class.
Feb. 10th: Wrock Concert -- where I reveal what I was actually doing on February 9th, and share a wizard rock song.
Feb. 11th: Five-ish Friday Links -- where I share links to sites I spend way too much time on, and things you should know about.
Feb. 12th: Secret Project! -- a short post about how I spent my day sewing, though I have yet to actually finish the video I promise in the post... whoops... (This one is insignificant, too.)
Feb. 13th: Lost Ideas -- musings about inspiration folders and ideas that we lose.
Feb. 14th: Happy I'm-Single-On-Valentine's Day -- where I talk about love, just not the romantic kind, and why I like Valentine's Day... and write a list of people ten people I love.
Feb. 15th: An Excerpt from the Locket -- I share an excerpt from my 2010 NaNoWriMo novel.
Feb. 16th: Balance -- musings about my New Year's Resolutions, how to prioritize, and my inability to do so.
Feb. 17th: Incoherent Poetry -- a short poem that describes my day.
Feb. 18th: Feminism -- where I rant about what I think feminism means.
Feb. 19th: Simplicity -- an even shorter, incredibly simple poem.
Feb. 20th: To New Readers & Old -- where I thank you for reading, and reveal that I have no idea what this blog is anymore.
Feb. 21st: The Inevitability of Death -- musings about death & our fear of it.
Feb. 22nd: The Senses -- where I talk about the senses, sight, and perception.
Feb. 23rd: Highway -- I find a poem I wrote in 2009 and share it.
Feb. 24th: An Unsurprising Confession -- where I reveal my love for Shakespeare.
Feb. 25th: 100 Happy Things -- in honor of my 100th blog post, I write a list of 100 things to be happy about.
Feb. 26th: Out of my Comfort Zone -- I blog after an awkward dance and muse about trying new things.
Feb. 27th: Mindless Reading -- where I share my shameless pleasure of reading books that don't require me to think.
Feb. 28th: Nearly March -- where I unveil the new blog design, talk about what to expect, and ask you what you want me to blog about!
Well, happy March, everybody! I'm glad you stuck around for NaBloPoMo, and if you're a blogger, you should definitely consider doing it some month-- I promise, it's not nearly as scary as NaNoWriMo!
Question for today:
- What was your favorite post from this past month? Why?
(Mine, in case you're wondering, is the 100 Happy Things.)
A demain for the FFB event! :)
-Aly
I just blogged every day for the month of February. If you missed one of the posts, here's the list here!
Feb. 1st: Return to Middle School-- musings about who I am now versus who I was in middle school & the passage of time.
Feb. 2nd: Forgotten Posts-- a list of things I had written about in the past that I had forgotten to publish.
Feb. 3rd: Guest Post: Claire on Music -- Claire talks about music and learning to play instruments.
Feb. 4th: The Seven Stages of Procrastination -- a short list about how I go about procrastination.
Feb. 5th: A Barely-Golden Sky -- a short narrative inspired by a picture.
Feb. 6th: Super Bowl Sunday -- where I reveal how I spent my day. (This one is really insignificant.)
Feb. 7th: That Kind of Day -- a day when everything felt odd and I once again retreated to the library.
Feb. 8th: Warning: (Religion) Rant Ahead -- exactly what it sounds like.
Feb. 9th: The Math Class Narrative -- where I share a narrative I wrote about my math class.
Feb. 10th: Wrock Concert -- where I reveal what I was actually doing on February 9th, and share a wizard rock song.
Feb. 11th: Five-ish Friday Links -- where I share links to sites I spend way too much time on, and things you should know about.
Feb. 12th: Secret Project! -- a short post about how I spent my day sewing, though I have yet to actually finish the video I promise in the post... whoops... (This one is insignificant, too.)
Feb. 13th: Lost Ideas -- musings about inspiration folders and ideas that we lose.
Feb. 14th: Happy I'm-Single-On-Valentine's Day -- where I talk about love, just not the romantic kind, and why I like Valentine's Day... and write a list of people ten people I love.
Feb. 15th: An Excerpt from the Locket -- I share an excerpt from my 2010 NaNoWriMo novel.
Feb. 16th: Balance -- musings about my New Year's Resolutions, how to prioritize, and my inability to do so.
Feb. 17th: Incoherent Poetry -- a short poem that describes my day.
Feb. 18th: Feminism -- where I rant about what I think feminism means.
Feb. 19th: Simplicity -- an even shorter, incredibly simple poem.
Feb. 20th: To New Readers & Old -- where I thank you for reading, and reveal that I have no idea what this blog is anymore.
Feb. 21st: The Inevitability of Death -- musings about death & our fear of it.
Feb. 22nd: The Senses -- where I talk about the senses, sight, and perception.
Feb. 23rd: Highway -- I find a poem I wrote in 2009 and share it.
Feb. 24th: An Unsurprising Confession -- where I reveal my love for Shakespeare.
Feb. 25th: 100 Happy Things -- in honor of my 100th blog post, I write a list of 100 things to be happy about.
Feb. 26th: Out of my Comfort Zone -- I blog after an awkward dance and muse about trying new things.
Feb. 27th: Mindless Reading -- where I share my shameless pleasure of reading books that don't require me to think.
Feb. 28th: Nearly March -- where I unveil the new blog design, talk about what to expect, and ask you what you want me to blog about!
Well, happy March, everybody! I'm glad you stuck around for NaBloPoMo, and if you're a blogger, you should definitely consider doing it some month-- I promise, it's not nearly as scary as NaNoWriMo!
Question for today:
- What was your favorite post from this past month? Why?
(Mine, in case you're wondering, is the 100 Happy Things.)
A demain for the FFB event! :)
-Aly
Monday, February 21, 2011
The Inevitability of Death
Hello, all!
I have lots of thoughts in my head again today. I have songs that are reminding me of emotions and provoking thoughts, images that are causing me to dream, videos that are making me think, words that are spilling from crevices in my brain.
Did you ever realize how many poems and books are dedicated to the message that death is inevitable? Why is it?
I can only imagine that our fascination with death comes from our fear of it. Death is terrifying, the idea that all things end is an unpleasant truth. It's hard to think of loss, the void created by losing friends or losing yourself-- of everything you are familiar with coming to an end. There are so many things about death to be afraid of and to wonder about. The afterlife or lack thereof; what is it like, if it exists? How will we each die? What will our legacy be?
The other day my friend Kimm said, "In the end, the dates on your headstone will not be what matters-- the dash between them will be." If you take that literally, then it really says nothing important, but I understand what Kimm is trying to say: it isn't our death that matters, but the span of our lives. Even if our lives are cut short by one thing or another (there are far too many possibilities), what matters most is what we did with that life.
I think we're foolish to dwell on death the way we do. Death is coming, yes; everything is in the process of dying. It's depressing and overwhelming, but true. I think our problem (if it's even a problem at all) is that we only KNOW life. I mean, we know it as much as something unpredictable and illogical, but we enjoy LIVING.
I keep thinking about how many characters in literature seem to have this same fascination with death and dying. Think of Hamlet and Frankenstein. Voldemort. Classics and modern literature alike, characters frequently seem preoccupied with death-- or how to avoid it. How to become immortal in some way. Immortality is our poison, our addiction: the idea of living forever. Maybe it is because we think immortality is the same as power, or maybe we are just obsessed with the idea that we can avoid the Great Perhaps of death. (Looking for Alaska reference)
Maybe when we think about death, we think of how we aren't ready for death. What if we're NEVER ready? What then? Will we be okay with letting go of life?
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing-- to be frightened by death. I think the reason it's so present in literature is because we can all relate; we know what it is like to think about it and to want to avoid it or to wonder about the value of our own lives. It's humbling and it's terrifying, but it reminds us to live-- to seek out whatever it is in life that will make us feel like our time here is valuable. One day we will seek a Great Perhaps, even if we're reluctant. But life is our first adventure.
Once again, I deviated from my point. I'm getting really bad about that...
(On the bright side, it's sort of relevant to the theme of character! :) )
A demain!
-Aly
I have lots of thoughts in my head again today. I have songs that are reminding me of emotions and provoking thoughts, images that are causing me to dream, videos that are making me think, words that are spilling from crevices in my brain.
Did you ever realize how many poems and books are dedicated to the message that death is inevitable? Why is it?
I can only imagine that our fascination with death comes from our fear of it. Death is terrifying, the idea that all things end is an unpleasant truth. It's hard to think of loss, the void created by losing friends or losing yourself-- of everything you are familiar with coming to an end. There are so many things about death to be afraid of and to wonder about. The afterlife or lack thereof; what is it like, if it exists? How will we each die? What will our legacy be?
The other day my friend Kimm said, "In the end, the dates on your headstone will not be what matters-- the dash between them will be." If you take that literally, then it really says nothing important, but I understand what Kimm is trying to say: it isn't our death that matters, but the span of our lives. Even if our lives are cut short by one thing or another (there are far too many possibilities), what matters most is what we did with that life.
I think we're foolish to dwell on death the way we do. Death is coming, yes; everything is in the process of dying. It's depressing and overwhelming, but true. I think our problem (if it's even a problem at all) is that we only KNOW life. I mean, we know it as much as something unpredictable and illogical, but we enjoy LIVING.
I keep thinking about how many characters in literature seem to have this same fascination with death and dying. Think of Hamlet and Frankenstein. Voldemort. Classics and modern literature alike, characters frequently seem preoccupied with death-- or how to avoid it. How to become immortal in some way. Immortality is our poison, our addiction: the idea of living forever. Maybe it is because we think immortality is the same as power, or maybe we are just obsessed with the idea that we can avoid the Great Perhaps of death. (Looking for Alaska reference)
Maybe when we think about death, we think of how we aren't ready for death. What if we're NEVER ready? What then? Will we be okay with letting go of life?
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing-- to be frightened by death. I think the reason it's so present in literature is because we can all relate; we know what it is like to think about it and to want to avoid it or to wonder about the value of our own lives. It's humbling and it's terrifying, but it reminds us to live-- to seek out whatever it is in life that will make us feel like our time here is valuable. One day we will seek a Great Perhaps, even if we're reluctant. But life is our first adventure.
Once again, I deviated from my point. I'm getting really bad about that...
(On the bright side, it's sort of relevant to the theme of character! :) )
A demain!
-Aly
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Popsicles and Ice Cream
Hello again!
See what I said about blogging every day? I’m making this happen.
So, today was BUSY. Not that every day isn’t, but today was borderline hectic.
We had a long run this morning. My run was strangely satisfying. I wore my NEW SHOES which are the same as Molly’s shoes, which was of course, completely unintentional. It was sunny again, thus really humid, after all the rain we’ve had lately. My shoes are ALREADY dirty, but hopefully they won’t smell as bad as my spikes do anytime soon.
(For you non-cross-country-runners, spikes are the racing shoes we wear… and they have a very pungent odor. I refuse to take mine out of the box, and they stay in a corner of the basement where the stench can’t hurt the quality of life…)
Our coach brought Popsicles for us for after the run (YAY! TREATS!), and since there were so many of them, Molly and I got three each. We were laughing, being like “oh, Fattie Club is BACK IN SESSION!” and “I wonder if we can make this a thing?”, so Coach Cromwell took us off to the side for a Lecture. It wasn’t so much of a Lecture as it was an Expression of Worry About Our Mental Health, which made it rather humorous. But, in a way, it was complimentary and I think both Molly and I realized how awkward and difficult it must be for him to confront “girly” problems (even if they are perceived as problems, but aren’t).
Though it is funny to note his reaction to us senior girls with our water-guns at yesterday’s practice and then what he said to Molly and I today. We’re just enigmas. :)
Other than that, I spent today shopping for books with my mother, which ended in me getting a couple books from the Free Shelf (ONE IS A PLAY IN FRENCH!) and lots of Shakespeare. She finally showed me the houses she likes, one of which we will hopefully buy… as soon as our house sells.
After all that, I went to Via’s house (with Molly) to help her pack for college. That was fun, but the reasoning is sad. It SUCKS to say goodbye, and she’s not ready to leave. For that matter, I’m not ready for any of my “ex-senior” friends to be gone. I know I’ll keep in touch somehow and this won’t be goodbye forever (at least, I SINCERELY hope not!), but still, the whole people-leaving thing is just not fun as leaving yourself.
During all that, we stopped by Cold Stone. Hence, ice cream. Delicious, FattieClub worthy, ice cream. YAYYY SUMMER! (I’m holding on to Summertime for dear life, though I could do with some nice fall-like temperatures…)
A demain! ;)
-Aly
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Goodbyes
Hello!
My plane will be leaving at 4:00(ish?) today to go to Philadelphia, and then on to Paris. We're flying out of Charlotte, so we're actually leaving a bit earlier than planned due to the fact that HOLIDAY TRAFFIC EATS TIME as if it were dessert.
At any rate, I'm really excited to leave, but honestly, the worst part of leaving is saying goodbye.
It's hard to say "goodbye" to somebody that you have every intention of staying in touch with. At the same time, there's that tiny pessimistic side that keeps reminding you that "things can never be the same". My goodbyes to friends go something like this:
Friend: Well, I guess this is it.
Me: Yeah. Kinda.
Friend: Why can't you just stay?
Me: I can't! I've been planning this for too long.
Friend: *sigh* I know. I'm just gonna miss you.
Me: Yeah, me too. *hugs*
Friend: Bye!
Me: See you in six months! Internet stalking! *waves and leaves*
(In my head-- Friend: Well, that was fail.)
Yeah.
It's not only the goodbyes to friends that are the problem, but when I leave for any trip that is longer than a few weeks (example: Europe trip in '07), I tend to say goodbye to everything (in my head at least).
I guess it's understandable, though. (Hopefully. If it's not then I'm just crazy and I like to think that I'm sane enough.)
As I walk from wherever I am for the last time (or drive. TECHNICALITY!), I'm watching everything go by (or that I pass by), and I'm trying not to wave to whatever it is. I will actually say it out loud a few times, and then look around anxiously to check that nobody is laughing at me. xD
So, as I leave my house today, I will be saying goodbye to everything-- when I get back, we won't be living here anymore, which makes this even more strange. This is the last time I'll be in my room, the last shower I take in my bathroom... so on and so forth. However strange and silly it is, I will miss sleeping in my own familiar bed with my pillows, driving my car (FRED!) around, and going to La Carretta with friends for lunch on far too many weekends. [No worries though! I'll miss my friends/family a lot more!]
I was going to send out a One Final Text from my phone letting everybody know that I love them and I'll miss them, but I figured it'll be easier to just write it in blog form and hope that you get it :)
Here are my final goodbyes:
To my "Last Brekkie" friends-- I'm glad we got to hang out one more time, and I expect extremely enthusiastic emails from you all the time.
To the friends that attended "The Last Lunch" -- I left with a bang! I'm glad you were there to laugh at me :)
To those of you that "Braved the Storm" to come to my birthday party -- I'm glad you didn't die on the way, and I'm glad we got to hang out and act like crazy people for a few hours. Your gifts were amazing, your creativity (ha. picture telephone...) was hysterical, and I'm sorry that my mom took far too many pictures. Don't worry, some of them are up on facebook already!
To all my other close friends, acquaintances, etc. -- If I didn't get to see you before I left, I'm sorry. It doesn't mean I love you any less. I WILL find ways to keep in touch.
I wish everybody a WONDERFUL Holiday season, a fantastic six months, and a great day.
SEE YOU IN SIX MONTHS!
-Aly
My plane will be leaving at 4:00(ish?) today to go to Philadelphia, and then on to Paris. We're flying out of Charlotte, so we're actually leaving a bit earlier than planned due to the fact that HOLIDAY TRAFFIC EATS TIME as if it were dessert.
At any rate, I'm really excited to leave, but honestly, the worst part of leaving is saying goodbye.
It's hard to say "goodbye" to somebody that you have every intention of staying in touch with. At the same time, there's that tiny pessimistic side that keeps reminding you that "things can never be the same". My goodbyes to friends go something like this:
Friend: Well, I guess this is it.
Me: Yeah. Kinda.
Friend: Why can't you just stay?
Me: I can't! I've been planning this for too long.
Friend: *sigh* I know. I'm just gonna miss you.
Me: Yeah, me too. *hugs*
Friend: Bye!
Me: See you in six months! Internet stalking! *waves and leaves*
(In my head-- Friend: Well, that was fail.)
Yeah.
It's not only the goodbyes to friends that are the problem, but when I leave for any trip that is longer than a few weeks (example: Europe trip in '07), I tend to say goodbye to everything (in my head at least).
I guess it's understandable, though. (Hopefully. If it's not then I'm just crazy and I like to think that I'm sane enough.)
As I walk from wherever I am for the last time (or drive. TECHNICALITY!), I'm watching everything go by (or that I pass by), and I'm trying not to wave to whatever it is. I will actually say it out loud a few times, and then look around anxiously to check that nobody is laughing at me. xD
So, as I leave my house today, I will be saying goodbye to everything-- when I get back, we won't be living here anymore, which makes this even more strange. This is the last time I'll be in my room, the last shower I take in my bathroom... so on and so forth. However strange and silly it is, I will miss sleeping in my own familiar bed with my pillows, driving my car (FRED!) around, and going to La Carretta with friends for lunch on far too many weekends. [No worries though! I'll miss my friends/family a lot more!]
I was going to send out a One Final Text from my phone letting everybody know that I love them and I'll miss them, but I figured it'll be easier to just write it in blog form and hope that you get it :)
Here are my final goodbyes:
To my "Last Brekkie" friends-- I'm glad we got to hang out one more time, and I expect extremely enthusiastic emails from you all the time.
To the friends that attended "The Last Lunch" -- I left with a bang! I'm glad you were there to laugh at me :)
To those of you that "Braved the Storm" to come to my birthday party -- I'm glad you didn't die on the way, and I'm glad we got to hang out and act like crazy people for a few hours. Your gifts were amazing, your creativity (ha. picture telephone...) was hysterical, and I'm sorry that my mom took far too many pictures. Don't worry, some of them are up on facebook already!
To all my other close friends, acquaintances, etc. -- If I didn't get to see you before I left, I'm sorry. It doesn't mean I love you any less. I WILL find ways to keep in touch.
I wish everybody a WONDERFUL Holiday season, a fantastic six months, and a great day.
SEE YOU IN SIX MONTHS!
-Aly
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