Three Years Ago...

Pictures from my last day with my French friends when my mom and brother visited.

Hello, all!

Three years ago I landed on American soil after seven months of living in France. 

Three years have passed since my friends came to pick me up at the airport and I didn't quite believe it was real. Since we screamed and cried and hugged in an airport lobby because it had been so long and so much had changed.

Seven months changes a lot. 

Three years changes more.

Three years ago, I had already accomplished the dream that I had been working towards for 10 years of my life. I didn't have a new dream; I was happy to be home but my language and my heart was still captured in French. (It still is, but to a lesser extent.)

Three years have passed since I was last in Europe. Slightly more than that since I said goodbye to "my Frenchies" and embarked on a short vacation to Italy with my mother and brother. More than three years since I wandered through Southern France with near-strangers that are kind of family and now-distant friends. Since filming silly videos with my friends and dancing through La Villa Aurélienne. Since hanging out in MacDo and Quick and getting sunburnt on the beach of La mer Méditerranée. 

Picture from a picnic my class threw me before I left France.

I find myself looking through those pictures and blog posts and thinking of all those experiences and I fall in love with those experiences all over again. Or I feel the sting of loneliness as I read about those rough days when I felt like I was falling apart. I re-watch the video I made to celebrate five months in France again and tear up as I remember those friends and I think about all the stories and pictures that I never shared here. (There are so many)

I think about who I was then. How I felt out of touch with the United States and my friends on either side of the ocean at different points; those moments of clarity on long train rides alone and when goofing off with people whose names I probably never pronounced exactly right. 

And then there's now. 

I'm rediscovering myself and my strength and challenging myself all over again. I've found a new dream to pursue at long last and I am pursuing it the best I know how.

Life is strange and time passes too quickly. I'm not sure where I will be seven months from now, much less three years from now. I wonder if I will still maintain the friendships I have had for years, or if I will re-establish the closeness I once had with my seven month friends. 

That being said, it's time to share again. 

A bientot!
Aly

Long Time, No Blog

Hello, all!

Earlier today, my friend Laura commented on a couple of my old blogs, which brought me back here. I found myself reading some of my old posts and remembering why I loved blogging.

From 2009 to 2011, I blogged fairly regularly-- mostly during my time in France, but recorded deep within the pages of this blog is my own personal history. The thoughts, emotions, memories, rants, and dreams of a girl that had a lot to say and wasn't afraid to share. This blog was both my private story and my public outlet, and I realize that this was an important part of my life, for much longer than I acknowledge now.

I stopped blogging rather abruptly, and sometimes I think about why I made that decision. I didn't really explain it on here-- I posted once in January of 2012, but beyond that, I made the fatal blog mistake of disappearing. I'm still around on the internet-- my tumblr is pretty active, but it isn't a personal blog so much as a collection of things I like.

The thing about this blog is that it became a bit of a chore after a while-- it began to feel like something I HAD to do, rather than something I wanted to do. It became a far-too-public forum for me to feel comfortable sharing some of the experiences that I had previously written about without even thinking twice. As I get older, I become more aware that the internet is a very public thing and in most cases, there are things that really ought to be kept private. There are things that are difficult to share, and not knowing who reads my blog made me feel vulnerable.

Furthermore, this blog ceased to be about "Aly en France". It became a personal blog, for my own benefit (and the benefit of anybody that cared to read what I have to share), and the transition struck me as awkward. 

It may be time to start blogging again. My distance from France does not mean that is no longer part of my identity or my lifestyle.

With that in mind, here's to a new year-- and maybe a new blog. As my tumblr states: my heart is in France, and I am here. Life is ongoing, and I may be ready to share it again.

-Aly

On Failure

Hello, all!

Normally around this time, I'd be writing frantically in an attempt to finish my novel before the end of National Novel Writing Month. But this year, that isn't happening and I can't help but say that I'm a bit disappointed in myself. It seems like I've failed myself.

Failure is an interesting thing. It leads to feelings of inadequacy and shame and other unpleasant feelings. But it's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be proud of yourself because the thing about failure is that it means you at least TRIED. (In most cases; the case could be made that failing at something means you didn't try hard enough, but I'm trying to be positive here...)

I think it takes a kind of bravery to say that you have failed at something. It's admitting to yourself and others that you didn't finish something you said you would. It's difficult to claim failure because it isn't something to be PROUD of.

Really cliche quotes always say that you can't do everything perfectly on the first try, and every failure is a step in the right direction-- a way to help you learn and grow as an individual. While I have a tendency to scoff at these quotes, I have to admit that there is some value in them.

I've "won" NaNoWriMo for the last two years-- both times I've attempted it. This year, I was hesitant to even begin but thanks to the persuasion of a few of my writing friends, I started a novel this month. I doubted my ability to finish, based on my failure at NaBloPoMo in September. Furthermore, finals are coming up and this month has been the one where I have had more work to do in every class. It seemed like an impossible task-- throw in a novel on top of all that? No thanks.

But I can't be too upset with myself for failing. I keep reminding myself that I at least tried and though I've given up on hitting the 50k goal, I'm going to keep writing this story. Failing at NaNoWriMo doesn't mean that I've failed at life and to be honest, the only person I've let down is myself, namely because some small part of me believes that I should have been able to finish.

The truth is, sometimes failure is inevitable. Sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes it's hard to figure out what to do next and sometimes things don't work out the way you expect them to. However, that doesn't mean it isn't worth a shot, because with that risk of failure comes the chance of success and I'm a firm believer of trying.

And yes, failure helps you grow. It helps you learn. Failing gives you a perspective on your life and a chance to fix mistakes when the opportunity arises to try again.

So even though I failed at NaNoWriMo (and NaBloPoMo), it doesn't mean I'm giving up. It just means I'm trying something else out.

And now, I need to return to work that needs to be done. Failure isn't an option.

-Aly

Too Many Goodbyes

Hello, all!

I'm done with high school. I've taken all my exams and finished my classes. I've started cleaning out boxes of stuff. I've been signing yearbooks, writing letters, reading notes written to me, uploading pictures to facebook. Everything is frantic, a last-ditch effort to claim ownership of a vaguely-familiar life. It's all leading to goodbye.

I hate goodbyes, I really do. And these goodbyes... well, I don't want to make most of them. I refuse to accept that this is the end, because endings can be sad more often than not.

I refuse to say goodbye to the movie nights that have characterized a seven-year-long-friendship.

I refuse to say goodbye to the stories I created when I was just beginning to write.

I won't say goodbye to the teachers that have made my high school experience wonderful, and I especially will not say goodbye to the ones that have made this year memorable and amazing.

I won't say goodbye to my unexpected friends, or the unexpected moments of beauty experienced with them.

I refuse to say goodbye to the friends with whom I found a home. Or the stories we wrote in our lives or in our minds, the ones that we never finished and the ones that we did because living is much easier than imagining, at least for now.

I won't say goodbye to these half-created plans, these fractions of thoughts and ideas that seem never to happen. I won't give up hope that they can happen, that these crazy dreams and plans and schemes are even possible-- because I want to believe that they will.

I won't say goodbye to the list of things I meant to do this year but didn't. Goals can change and shift and not accomplishing them is no reason for me to give up trying to make them happen in some form.

But mostly, I absolutely refuse to say goodbye to my life as it is now--- the people or this place or these dreams or these words, even. It is not yet gone and I am still here. And I refuse to say goodbye because I know I will return to HERE in my mind and in my future, to every aspect of this hectic existence.

Thanks for listening, as always-- sorry I've been absent, but as mentioned... frantic, crazy life. Sometimes I just need a break from my own mind, but sometimes I need to speak.

-Aly

Fears and Promises

Hello, all!

So this has been bothering me all day, and I'm writing about it so that I can stop thinking about it and actually focus.

I have lots of fears. Small fears, and probably irrational ones, but they're ones that continually make sense in the context of my life. Basically, I fear dramatic change that could end in me losing people that are important to me. I could elaborate much more on that, but I'd rather not.

This is partially because I'll be going to visit UNC-Asheville again on Friday, and since that's where I'll be going to college next year (unless something changes within the next month, which is unlikely but still...). Going up to Asheville again for the first of the many orientation-type sessions is like admitting to myself that high school is ending and my life is going to change very DRAMATICALLY, and much sooner than I'm prepared for.

It's scary. I mean, it's awesome and I'm excited, but I'm also terrified. The same old fears, the ones that show up every time you're thrust into a situation where you'll be meeting lots of strangers and what-if-I-make-a-fool-of-myself, what-if-nobody-likes-me, what-if-I-become-cripplingly-socially-awkward, what-if-I-get-lost... and there are so many more. Irrational fears. Silly fears, as though my brain has been transported back to the beginning of middle school or something equally traumatizing.

I can't get rid of them, though. I can't help but be anxious about these minuscule, potential problems. Because these are the small ones, the ones that I'm okay with voicing, and they don't even touch on the larger issues, being that MY LIFE IS CHANGING AND I AM WORRIED. I guess that's the easiest way to say it for now. I want to remind myself of things that I will remember to do, or at least, things I don't want myself to do. Promises, in a way, to myself, ways I want my life to be now and in the future.

I promise that I will not:

• Forget about my close friends that I have now.
  
• Let people think of me as an object or take advantage of me.
• Lose my morals.
• Follow blindly.
• Have a closed mind.
• Be afraid of new situations or opportunities.
• Put myself into situations that I know are dangerous.
• Abuse my body.
• Shut myself off from the world.
• Be afraid to make change in my life. (Even if it scares me.)
  
• Pretend to be somebody I'm not.
• Forget my dreams & ambitions.

At the same time, I will:

• Be open to new friendships.
• Explore.
• Fill my life with things that make me happy.
• Focus on others, not just myself.
• Be honest with myself.
• Treat the earth with respect.
• Be kind.
• Remember how it feels to do something new and exciting.
• Be confident.
• Admit my faults... and try to change them.
• Ask forgiveness when I need to.
• Make positive decisions.
• Choose the life I want. (And not regret it.)
  

So, yeah. That's what I want to remember a week from now... a few months from now... a year from now. I want to remember how I feel now, and how I felt like in the past. I don't want to lose myself or lose the wonderful people that surround me.

I'm giving myself the freedom to change my life whenever I want to. I'm not afraid of my fears (thanks, FDR... *nerd jokes*), and I'll try to understand myself and my choices. I'll try to embrace change and choose the best path. And if I mess up, I'm going to try my hardest to correct it, rather than dwelling on it.

I can make these promises now and hopefully I'll remember them later, and if I don't, somebody will hopefully be around to remind me. (Thanks in advance! :))

So... what are your fears? What promises do you want to make to yourself?

-Aly

P.S. Thanks for reading, as always! Even more thanks for the comments on my last post-- everybody was so encouraging and understanding. Love to all of you. <3

Staying Informed

Hello, all!

I don't have time to keep up to date on all the news. I hear about most things from the internet, but rarely do I actually poke around enough to actually understand what is going on in the world. But since Japan is dealing with a major disaster right now, I want to be informed. I can't just allow myself to be blind to current events, not in a world where everything is fast-paced and there are major issues to be addressed and environmental disasters to confront; problems to solve.

Sure, I may be busy, but what is the excuse for not staying informed? I am a citizen of the earth. I live in a country where I have the right to vote now-- my voice has power now. And I haven't been living up to my duty to understand the details of what is happening here in the United States and abroad; I have been living in the bubble of my own life. I can't do that anymore. I cannot allow myself to be blind, seeing only what people tell me about when the situation is desperate or what I see for those few seconds of the day when checking my email.

Anyway, I'm trying to learn. To see what is going, understand what it means, and what the consequences are. But part of me is still using the (other) excuse that I don't know where to look. That's a complete lie, because, again... the internet.

- The New York Times. (Because I feel that this is most legitimate way to stay informed.)
- My local newspaper. (It's not the best, but it does have local news.)
- Google News. (So convenient!)
- Greenpeace. (Call me a crazy liberal, but Greenpeace does have current news about environmental issues.)
- The Nation. (For political news. Besides, we recently learned about the Nation in AP US History!)
- Earthjustice. (To know about political campaigns regarding the environment.)
- Educated Earth. (Granted, I just found this today and need to poke around a bit more, but it seems like a pretty good place to get news.)
- Congress.org. (To know about what is going on politically.)

The things I want to know about are related largely to politics and the environment. I want to know about things that I am passionate about, and things that affect me. So, that's what I'm going to do. Since I can't be uninformed, I am going to seek out information on topics that are important to me, and I won't shy away from supporting causes that I think are just.

Have you heard about the House of Representatives bill that would cut federal funding to Planned Parenthood? I'm sure you've heard about the Union bill in Wisconsin by now. What about the situation in Libya and Egypt? Do you ever think about Haiti? Darfur? You should know what's going on in Japan. Do you know about the bills that are currently in Congress that attack the Endangered Species Act?

And if you do know about those things, what are you going to do about them? Does it matter to you?

I might be 18, still in high school and relatively limited in what I can do to help out, but I can stay informed. I can write letters to Senators and Representatives, I can volunteer, I can vote in elections, but most of all... the thing I CAN do every day, is to read and be informed.

So, what do you read to know what is going on in the world? Do you look for certain types of news or certain issues?

What will you do to help?

-Aly

NaBloPoMo Revisited

Hello, all!

It's almost, which really means nothing to me. It's a NEW semester, which is fun, and I have several things that I plan to do this month, so I might as well use my 1000 words a week resolution to do more blogging! (Since I'm obviously not working on my novel much... However, I'm still doing well with the resolution, which is the point.)

So, I'm just warning you... come February, I'm participating in NaBloPoMo again. Expect daily posts, some of which might be pre-scheduled (yes, I'm tricky like that).

The theme for this month is "Character", and while I would usually not care about the theme (or rather last time, I blogged daily for a month that wasn't just *one* month), I rather like this theme and I already know a few things I can do with it on days when I all have to talk about is school stuff.

If there's any ideas YOU have for what to do with that theme or things that you'd like me to talk about, let me know! And if you want, you could join in the blogging here.

Well, I'll talk to you again on February 1st!
-Aly

2010 Reflection

Hello, all!

Well, I've been putting this off for long enough now (would you believe me if I said I meant to write this on the 22nd? But then I went on vacation and had no time?... Because seriously, that's what happened.), but I think it's time for me to do an end-of-the-year-and-beginning-of-another blog post. (On a vaguely but not entirely unrelated note, it would be rather sad if one year ended and another one didn't begin? Oh, wait... 2012, right? ;) )

Anyway!

It's been a while since I've been around here (again). I don't know if I'm entirely sorry about that, but I have my reasons for my absence (we won't get in to those, though).

I've been asking my friends a set of questions, and I blame Molly entirely. She asked me three questions, which got me to thinking about other questions, and so now I have this whole long list of things that I feel like sharing, and things I am curious about for everybody else.

1. Do you have any REGRETS from 2010?
2. Any REFLECTIONS on your year? (i.e. How have you changed?)
3. What are your RESOLUTIONS for this year? If you don't have any, what are your GOALS, either short-term or long-term (these can be ongoing goals, so it doesn't have to be new, necessarily). How do you expect you'll be different in the next year?
4. What are you looking forward to most about this upcoming year?
5. What are your top moments/memories from 2010? (Also, why, if you are willing to share.)

So... five (more or less) questions.

REGRETS:
This is always a tough question for me, because like it or not, it's over; there is no way to change it, and I think there is value to be found in making mistakes. Making blunders, big or small, is enlightening. But, truthfully, I have regrets from this year-- things I *facepalm* about now, because I know the decision I made was wrong. However, at that moment I suppose I thought it was the best decision I could make, thus... not really.

REFLECTIONS:
I'll admit, this question is a tough one to answer. It's hard to look at yourself objectively.
So... this past year. It was the best of my life, but also the hardest. I achieved my dream, but not without difficulties and weakness. I found strength, and surprised myself with how weak I could be sometimes. I allowed myself to cry more, and found ways to smile. I had opportunities and I took them, but didn't stop to think about the consequences. Foolish, I know, but at the same, wonderful.
I guess most of all, this past year made me grow. I feel older now, more self-sufficient and mature than I did last January. Last year, I was honest-to-goodness terrified about so many things, but too afraid to admit the weakness, afraid that it would make that emotion of helplessness real. I found out that it was real, but I confronted it... eventually. This year allowed me to do that. To trust and rely on myself, and to trust the people around me.

RESOLUTIONS:
1. Write more. ~1000 words a week of non-academic writing (blogging, noveling, etc). For sanity and creativity.
2. Find balance in my life. In friends, family, school, and all other endeavors... because I am terrible at focusing, a professional procrastinator, and AWFUL at time management.
3. Figure out what my next "big goal" is... to replace France. I want to work towards something important; something that will fuel my endeavors. I want to find another dream, something that I can accomplish but not arbitrary.
4. Have an adventure. Sure, it's vague, but I want another adventure. A time to travel on my own (or with friends) and learn about other places and things. I want the discovery and excitement, and honestly, my wanderlust is far too strong NOT to have an adventure.
5. Complete the senior year bucket list. Just because. Even if it's incomplete, I want to try my hardest to do everything on the list.

I hope that at the end of this year, I'll find a different layer of strength in myself. I hope that I can refine my definition of myself and better understand the world around me. I want to feel comfortable being honest with myself and at ease in my skin.

WHAT I'M MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO:
...GRADUATIONNNNNNNNN!
Also, senior trips.
And starting college.
Just more fun experiences and life lessons, I guess.

TOP MOMENTS/MEMORIES OF 2010:
I could just name places here, but I'll go specific.
-Carnavale in Nice
-The French Grand Canyon with Dad
-My first trip to Bordeaux, when Any and I attempted (and failed) to make macarons, and ended up with "macaboules" instead.
-My trip to Toulouse, seeing Carcassonne and being completely enchanted by the beauty and deterioration of a castle.
-The days I spent in Tours, wandering through the streets by myself with only my thoughts and camera for company
-My second trip to Bordeaux, running through the streets with Jeveta at night, attempting to capture the cows. Feeling ridiculous and laughing so hard that I couldn't stop smiling, and then the disappointment of my battery dying, leaving me with only my eyes to capture the memories.
-Receiving mail from unexpected people. Packages (notably FOOD!)and postcards from family and friends, small pieces of delight that I never expected and always cherished.
-Bus rides with Corentin, Nadia, and Camille, trying not to laugh when people fell over and stumbled as the bus lurched forward.
-Playing Hide and Seek in a French marche.
-The lazy days spent at Charlotte's house when we would watch Disney movies and the Coup du Monde, blast music, and have waterfights or wander.
-The surprise parties my Frenchies hosted for me.
-Coming out of the airport and seeing Molly and Matt waiting for me, and having Grant come tackle us all as we stood there hugging.
-Going to Harry Potter Theme Park and then running into Yasmina and Chandler at Universal
-ROFLCOPTOUR!
-The Wilmington Trip with cross-country, spending a weekend with some of my favorite people, and the crazy antics with the other Senior Girls :)
-NaNoWriMo... the write-ins, meeting new friends (and connecting with existing friends!), writing a novel I loved and feeling the exhilaration of "winning" again.
-The return of the movie night.
-Repeating the tradition of caroling with Kat, Molly, and Tori, and unexpectedly seeing Coach Wow again.
-Spending Christmas Eve skiing while it snowed
-Finally seeing Wicked <3

Errrrrhm, I have far too many moments of this past year. It was magical.
So... tell me about 2010! And 2011!

Bonne Annee!
<3,
-Aly

Cookies & Cream

Bonjour!

Sometimes, all I need is a day where I'm not stressed out over something-or-other (probably insignificant), where I am too busy to stop and think, too happy to worry about what this week or this season or this year holds for me. Today was one of those days, and I am exhausted now, but in a great mood (despite the fact that I realize that I have homework to finish that I forgot about in the rush of everything else). It doesn't bother me that I didn't accomplish much today, because it my eyes, not accomplishing much other than selfish pleasure and FUN is acceptable. It IS the weekend, after all.

I woke up relatively early today, though I refused to get out of bed, choosing instead to lie there with the blinds open a bit to enjoy the light and the cool temperature of my room, where it is perpetually too much of an extreme. After grocery shopping, I ate lunch with my family-- not that we're really that great at "family time" anyway, since we tend to disperse to seperate rooms, often with lights off, each glued to our respective computers, pretending for that moment that interaction with our family is not needed. I didn't mind today, but sat at the bare table alone, reading Paper Towns and thinking about wanderlust again.

Shortly after, I left once again to head to Molly's, where we made a great card for Tori's birthday (which was yesterday) and wrapped (me: complicated weaving covering the Christmas wrapping paper, Molly: scraps of wrapping paper that didn't cover the box of Animal Crackers) part ONE of her gifts, and then delivered them. A quick jaunt to Colin's, then a stop at Juice Shop (out of the way, but delicious) to get Grant a smoothie, then to Grant's. Of course we got distracted by filling random things in to Grant's calendar, before deciding to stop by our freshman (of the year, we generally choose a few freshmen to be "ours", which means we adopt them and do our best to include them) Caroline's house-- her family's reactions were hysterical, and we'll definitely be going back, especially since she wasn't there! Then back to Colin's, before dinner at Molly's (hot dogs!), and out to a new ice-cream parlor (Cookies and Cream). Delicious and Fattie Club, best way to end any day.

And now I'm doing homework, knowing that I'll have to be up early again tomorrow for school. First FULL week of school, but I feel more mentally prepared now. Today makes this weekend a success in my book.

See you again tomorrow!
-Aly

NaBloPoMo

Hello, everybody!

So, I’ve been back from France for a month-and-several-days, and time is still passing far too quickly. I’ve got less than a week until school starts again, and to be honest, I’m not at ALL ready. I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that this is my last year of high school, though I’ve been worrying excessively about colleges since about April.

In other news, I’ve been REALLY busy lately, which is why I haven’t yet finished the last two blog posts from France. Sorry about that. Part of the reason is that finishing those posts feels like saying goodbye to that time in my life. I’m still holding on to the memories and the people I met there, my friends and “dreamland”.

Since I’m not that great at blogging or keeping up with this blog, I’ve decided that I’m dedicating this month to be my National Blog Posting Month, which is rather like NaNoWriMo, except it’s basically any time you like. I’ll be blogging daily until September 19th, even if it’s a small post. During this time, expect the last couple blog posts about France, and a few other big posts with excessive pictures. However, it’ll all depend on my schedule—cross-country season is nearly here for good (not just pre-season), and I’ll be busy with college applications, classes, and volunteering soon enough. With a bit MORE luck, I’ll be able to keep up with my French by tutoring others in French, since they cut the AP French program. Basically, if you know anybody that wants to learn French or is struggling with French, let me know, and I’ll see if I can help! ;)

(In reference to the “volunteering” thing—I’m applying to volunteer at the public library! I turned in the application yesterday, before settling in for an hour and some of working on school stuff. I love libraries :D)

Last night was Orientation (at least I didn’t have to go to REAL orientation in the silly clothes I wore to the “What Not To Wear skit” for Freshman orientation in the morning. The Freshman are probably embarrassed about the seniors xD), so I got to “meet” my teachers, though I more-or-less know them all. I’m really excited for my English class, because I have it with Molly, Matt, and Duncan… though I feel sorry for my teacher.

My dual enrollment classes begin Monday. With luck, I’ll be able to change my study hall to be a study hall with French… so that I can speak in French for an hour of my day!

In a strange way, I’m excited for this year. I just know it’ll be hard and crazy, though I think I can handle it. Don’t hold me to that one, though, because I’m probably going to spaz out in a few weeks!

-Aly

Dreamland

Hello again!

I’ve put this off for a few days now, but it’s about time that I sit down and actually write this blog, so here it goes.

I’ve been here for five months now, and in that time, quite a bit has changed. The most obvious is, of course, language-wise, but I’ve also gained many amazing friends and experiences.

Some things haven’t quite been what I expected them to be, but some, such as the relationships I’ve built, have been so much more important to me than I expected. I’ve spent these last two months (ever since the last vacation) in my own personal version of heaven, so busy with my French friends that I didn’t have time to miss home. And now, I’ve moved in with my friend Charlotte—I finally get to experience a “host family” with somebody my age, which is quite fun.

I could get all sappy here, but the video I posted on the 21st shows it pretty well—all that video was taken in a span of four days, and it’s kind of a present for the Frenchies, with whom I’ve passed so many good days lately.

OH! In other news, I only have 2 days of school left. And then I’m off to Bordeaux again, and the final few weeks in June, I’ll spend with Charlotte (B.) and my other friends. I’m so not ready for this to end, it’s just TOO GOOD.

♥,
-Aly

Trips to McDonalds/Quick: 12
(*hides in shame*)

MAY FIRST

Hello!

Happy May, you guys!

I've heard from many of you that you've already received the post cards I sent-- to those of you that haven't gotten them, they SHOULD be there soon! If you have given me your address, I've either already sent or am about to send you mail.

April was a good month, the midway point and the next step closer to finishing up my time here. Like all the other months, it was good (with some bad).

In April I loved:

1. Travelling-- I finally EXPLORED France. I saw Bordeaux and Toulouse, and Carcassonne, as well as many other small villages with history.
   
2. Meeting new people & getting to know my French friends better-- this last month has been AMAZING in that aspect! Good-bye and good riddance, awkward stage of friendship! You guys at home, I've said it before, and I'll say it again with complete convinction... the Frenchies are fantastic, and I love them to bits.
   
3. Renewing my "France crush"-- Once again, the love for France is back... thanks to the experiences I've had this month, and a renewing of the vision of France I get when I see all the beauty and history here. Except now, I recognize it's faults. And that's perfectly fine.
4. Fluency-- After four months of living here, I've finally heard it from just about everyone: "You speak French really well!", and at last, I believe them. I had a conversation with Charlotte about this the other day, and basically, I can no longer say that I'm NOT fluent. This makes me ridiculously happy. I'M BILINGUAL?!
5. Just to round out this list, April was amazing because... I'm nearly finished. I'm sad and excited about this, with how things have been going, but I think about it... four months. It's been nearly a year since I started this blog, since I truly began planning this trip. Four far-too-fast and all-too-slow months. I'll be home soon-- I'm excited for the new possibilities and about tackling the next adventure. And I'm really, really impatient to see all my friends and family at home, because I miss them so much.

Things that weren't so great in April:

1. Saying goodbye to new places & people.
2. Communication problems.
3. Train Strikes.
4. Freaking. School.
   

I mean, that's really nothing, and I really don't mind those that much because saying goodbye to people and places is rough, but I WILL find a way to go back and see them in the future, the communication problems have been resolved, the train strike was annoying but it did allow me to spend more time with people that I find to be amazing, and school meant more time with friends in Frejus! :D

In other news, I have far too many things to deal with at home. Home being the US, of course. Real life is calling me back, responsibilities and plans for things that are Actually Quite Important.

AP French won't exist next year, so far as I've heard. This means that my French education is basically over, and I'll have to start taking lower levels of French than I'm capable of. It aggravates me to no end, that I've worked (as have the other students that want to take the class, even if there are just 5 of us) for YEARS to be able to take AP French. The AP French teacher was my FIRST French teacher, ever, and I just think it would be really cool to end my years of French class (that is, if I don't take it in college) with the same teacher I began learning French with.

Anyway, MAY. I'll let you know how it goes.
Lots to do! BYE.
-Aly

Kick Ass Frenchies

JP, Lisa, Nolwenn, me, and Cindy before Kick Ass :D
(Picture credit: Jean Paul, except I think Charlotte took this one.)

Hello again!

I know, you probably feel like you're hearing from me a lot lately. This is due to the fact that I've decided I really need to use my time better, and I've just kind of needed to write on here lately. I think this will be my goal for the next 2 months, so you should be hearing a lot more from me! (I've actually got plans for some things for this blog; check for updates and interesting things! :D)
I have FIVE more postcards. I sent 4, then 10 last week, and today another 11. I lie, it's technically two, since I owe three of you a postcard! Though I may cave in and buy more, if I get more people that want them. So, uhh, seriously, ASK IF YOU WANT A POSTCARD! I would love to send one! Also, I love postcards. Even with pears on them-- thank you, Katherine! (She is awesome! Go check out her blog full of pretty things, happy thoughts, and Grand Schemes :D)

I've been hanging out with my friends lately! They have completely pulled through for me on things we've mentioned doing, such as going to Nice and having sleepovers and such.

I spent Saturday hanging out in Centre-ville with Nolwenn, Lisa, Charlotte H., and Jean-Paul. We went to lunch (I ate another American, you guys. I admit, I really just wanted to say I've eaten more Americans. Such a cannibal...!), took pictures, wandered around, and finally joined Cindy at the Cinemas to see Kick-Ass. I thought it was awesome, but I enjoy such nerds-conquering-the-world-I-mean-being-Nerdfighters type movies. I kept dying of laughter, even though I didn't even understand what exactly they were saying ALL the time. After all that, we had ice cream and hung out more. We managed to convince people walking by we were insane, as well as stalk a marching band in Period Dress (I still don't exactly understand why there were so many people in Old-Fashioned Clothes were wandering around... and all the BOOM!s that weren't fireworks?), and various other fun things. Oh, Frenchies, how much joy you bring me...
[I took pictures! They're on facebook.]

JP, Charlotte H., Lisa, Nolwenn, Cindy

I'm going to Nice with Charlotte B. on Wednesday! We're going to tour the Old part of the town, eating the Best Ice Cream in Nice, and I'm spending the night at her house! (Why, yes, I do have school Thursday. *feels B)

OH! And tomorrow, I've got TWO CLASSES (technically 3, but 2 hours of French except one hour is with the Premier ES1, and 2 hours of "hande." [Handball, they always leave off the -ball.])! After which, me and the Frenchies are going to McDonald's (I think that will be the 10th time), then the Theatre to see Mozart's Flute Enchantee. It will be AWESOME! There's ACROBATS!!!!! (I hope I'm allowed to bring my camera because I definitely am.)

I'll tell you about tomorrow and Wednesday as soon as possible-- hopefully with pictures! But at the moment, I have to run errands and do Important Things, so I'm going to peace out and not include any details about why today is fail, but in a way that I don't really care about because I'm in a great mood. :D

-Aly

Trips to McDonalds/Quick: 9 [this is including during the last vacation, so this is the as-of-today count]

Honesty

Hello!

If I'm going to be completely and utterly honest here (I am), I haven't been working on the posts from last month. I do have things to share-- little anecdotes of my first weeks of school and life here, my day of awesome with Dad in the mountains, interesting things I've learned-- but I really haven't been working that hard on drafting the posts that will include such things.

For one thing, yes, I am busy. I do have quite a bit of time off, but I fill the time living (this includes time on the computer, because that's part of daily life); I may not always be using my time productively, but as with life everywhere else, life here has its "ups and downs."

Yesterday was definitely one of those days, and I have struggled with similar sentiments periodically since Dad left and throughout the course of this past week. It makes me uncomfortable to admit this, but sometimes I just want to pack up and go home. In those moments, it seems like it would be the easiest solution, but I know (as do you) that it is not. If I come to you in those moments, rant in hand and asking for an internet-hug and tell you that I want to give up, kindly send the hug, listen to the rant, and slap some sense into me.

It's easy to forget when you are alone in a place you're not fully comfortable with that you are there for a purpose, and you aren't as alone as you would like to believe. I have this problem a lot-- sometimes, I am paralyzed and tormented by the thought that I don't really have somebody here that I can completely, effortlessly confide in. I struggle with the separation from people I now realize have been like security blankets: whose company I seek out at any moment when I have a chance, who make me a better person and keep me smiling. This is normal, and I didn't realize it would be quite like that. That's the nature of the thing, though, and recognizing that I have to be my own person is vital.

That isn't to say that I don't have friends here. People I will push away sometimes, or seek out; these friendships are still in the beginning stages where I still don't know that much about each individual, but I consider to be friends all the same. The language barrier is a problem; I can't always understand everything they're talking about, or the context of the conversation. I can't always reply and I am, in fact, quite socially awkward, so placed in a situation where I would have to come up with a topic of discussion where I can actively contribute and is interesting for all participants is something I need to work on. I do want to get to know them better, but I fall short of actually accomplishing this.

What I often forget, though, is that the friends I have here may be experiencing the same thing-- the awkward getting-to-know-you stage where you may not know quite what to say. Just like anywhere else, it's impossible to believe that somebody else will make the effort if you, yourself, do not. The people I count as friends appear to honestly want to be my friend (even if I don't see them all the time)-- people like Corentin and Nadia, who take the same bus as me, Laure, Jean-Paul, both Charlottes, Insaf... and more (listing all the names isn't a good idea, because that's confusing). They are, as previously mentioned, quite patient with my slow French, which is still scattered with English phrases.

Much to my amusement, some of my English phrases have been adopted. It makes me smile to hear them say "Fail"; today on the bus, Corentin said "epic fail", and pronounced it "epique faiiil." Such things make me giggle and want to hug whoever said the phrase because (let's face it), their accents make English words sound ridiculously cute. Similarly, it seems my accent makes some things sound cute to them, too-- I was reading Harry Potter (en français... n'inquiete pas!) very quietly and Insaf informed me of that while Jean-Paul nodded.

I have vacation starting Saturday; lots of French people go skiing, but as far as I know, I'll be in Fréjus for the duration of the break. I will be taking the initiative and trying to make plans with some friends; maybe some exploring is in order, of places I haven't been, such as Marseilles.

I didn't expect for there to be issues within the host family; I didn't expect this, but I try to take it in stride. I'm not new to handling a similar situation, but I feel as though it's not my place to interfere. I tread the line between stranger and family, and as a visitor, I don't want to stir the waters. My issues here ("chez moi", because this is my "home" here, no matter that I still refer to AEU as "home") stem from handling a younger brother that is 11 years old. HE IS ELEVEN, you guys. Eleven-- and I'm seventeen; this doesn't make for peace, as I am residing in his room-- in "his" house-- taking up space he finds familiar and comforting in the same way that I find my space AEU familiar and comforting. Beyond that, the two of us have communication problems as well; he is full of energy and the desire to play that is expected from young boys. I won't hesitate to tell you that sometimes I do not like the kid at all, but I recognize that he is a KID and the problems I have with him are expected and even normal for a younger "sibling".

I'd also mention, that like every time I travel, being here has inspired in me a desire to write and create. I can't face my novel, but I guess nothing will happen to it if I don't sit down and read it. I can't just shrug off my moments of inspiration and my desire to write stories; they won't be written if I don't write them, and it's been too long since I've made any effort to write stories. I want to get back that. If anything, like this blog, it is an exercise in expression and practice for true writing (I do still dream of being an author).

I know this wasn't particularly interesting, but there you have it. Life continues.
♥,
-Aly

French Sickie

Hello, everybody!

I've been here in Fréjus for ONE MONTH! I've been in France for a bit longer, but still. I've made it through one month, and I'm beginning to think that the time here will be passing too quickly. This scares me-- I feel like there's so much more to learn, to see, and to experience. I've got to learn, though my vocabulary, pronounciation, and general knowledge is improving as I spend more time surrounded by French culture and words. This isn't a long-overdue update, but I'm working on those! (After I finish the Week One post, I probably won't be worrying about going back and filling in all the mundane details of my life.)

At any rate, right now I'm sick (I have a cold), so I haven't done anything interesting this weekend. I didn't have the time/energy/willpower to run at all this past week at the beautiful Ville Aurelienne. One of my friends has said that he might run with me some Saturday though, so that's awesome because I don't have a running buddy here. This next Saturday marks the beginning of Winter Holidays here, which last for a couple weeks (I think). I don't have any plans, but hopefully I can find something other than reading and/or watching movies to entertain myself.

(I've been reading Harry Potter books; my friend Charlotte H. gave me the second, fifth, and sixth Harry Potter books in French, for which I will love her forever because HARRYPOTTEREEP! I read the first chapter of the second book yesterday.... and then watched the first two movies.)

Being sick in a foreign country is particularly unpleasant, as all the things you do when you're sick may not work so well or be quite the same, since you're elsewhere. The medicine isn't the same, and I've been sucking on Ricola/Coldeeze that Dad left me (again) because I've been hacking all over the place. I may head over to the Pharmacie down the street (if Nathalie and Olivier don't think I'll collapse or suddenly catch pneumonia along the way...) and hunt for some meds that Mom looked up that are the French equivalents of familiar things (like Motrin, except not really).

(I've been taking this stuff called Doliprane, which is similar to Tylenol-- you dissolve it in water and drink it; not yummy. It's supposed to get rid of my fever, not that I know my exact temperature because 1) Celsius???? and 2) I refuse to use their thermometer... but I generally know when I have a fever.)

My friends here are quite awesome; they use MSN, rather than AIM, so I spend a lot of time on there now, even though I haven't used that email address in years. My expressions don't translate well into French, but they seem to understand some of them ("happydance, anyone? no? Okay, errr... danse de bonheur? oui? YAY!!!!!").

I love to go downtown-- I always walk the same way, because I don't know which way is faster and the path I take is the one that Laure showed me when I went to see Avatar in French with her and her friend Anais. I ran at Base Nature a couple weeks ago, and decided that it'll work in when I'm in desperate need of running, but it's like the beginning of the Wendy's course (flat, field; when it's not marsh-like, it's probably dusty). But Fréjus is qute a nice place, if a bit sleepy. I'm looking forward to summer, because there seems to be NOTHING to do here in the winter!

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm doing well; I'm speaking in French to my friends at school more, and actually participating in some classes (such as some of my 9-hours-of-French-classes, where I'll read out loud a bit of a poem or story excerpt). I'll be attempting to make Toll House Cookies at some point (I have to save some for my English teacher, actually, haha), and things are more-or-less settling down at Chez Chasson now (11 year old boy = never true calm), and MY FRENCH IS IMPROVING (or so I've been told by quite a few people, though I believe that Corentin may say otherwise based on the amount of correcting he does... xD).

Hope all you North Carolinians are enjoying your SNOW (!!!), and that everybody is well & happy :)
-Aly